We have a tendency to take what we love and what is most convenient for granted.  Mexico, our lovely south of the border vacation and honeymoon destination is often like a boyfriend or a girlfriend whom we get a little too comfy with, and put on a few pounds with.  Just because Mexico is close by and affordable for our dollar, it doesn't mean we can just go down there and be that guy or that girl.  Leave the Fat White Guy trying to score in Mexico to a Jack Black script, or, something stupidly slapstick by some other Hollywood big.  We've compiled a list of scenarios to avoid falling into so that you don’t end up being that dude in Mexico.  And remember to pack your passport; Mexico isn’t Puerto Rico or State #51.
 
  1. Wet T-shirt contests. Ladies, the wet T-shirt contest is only a legitimate act if you're already on a Playboy mansion salary.  If not, this runs dangerously near that step below prostitution since yes, you're showing your pechugas for free.




  2. Frat partying abroad. You're not studying cerveza in Mexico, let's be claro for a second here. Keg stands of Pacifico don’t qualify as cultural understanding.  Just because you went a step up from Presidente doesn’t mean you’ve got a sophisticated palate.  Want to know why that keg cost you more in Mexico than in the States?  Well it’s because the Mexicans selling it to you recognize that yes you're that guy.  Sucker!


  3. Gringo tanning.  How about a little sunblock and a little patience vs. the “I burn, and then I tan philosophy?” Let’s not pretend here.  We all know the dangers of sunning. And we all know how bad a lobster burn looks.  Lather on the SPF!  Consider La Roche-Posay’s heavy duty protection that somehow miraculously is not disgusting but it fact age-defying.  Try the Anthelios 60 with CELL-OX shield.  Those who insist on just a bit of color, should consider OBAGI-C Rx’s C-SunGuard SPF 30 or even C-Exfoliating day lotion with SPF 12.  They have vitamins C & E and "hyaluronic acid" whatever that means!


  4. Grooming.  The weather is amazing and may make you want to take it all off even when you’re sober.  But please remember to shave, wax, moisturize and pedicure. No one likes unsightly hair and terrifying feet.  We share the same sand for crying out loud!  We’ve seen feet that could scare off the chupacabra himself.  And ladies, if you don’t want to be that girl with the big, frizzy hair, consider got2b’s smooth operator smoothing drops and lustre lotion.


  5. Leave the high flying moves to the Lucha Libre.  Mexican wrestling masks should stay back in the States or remain non purchases in the ferias.  Remember, this is not a Jack Black film you are living in.  This is real life and that potbelly isn't making you Jack Black millions.  If you must, buy and save the mask for Halloween.  Your American homies might find it cool in America, but in Mexico you just look loco.




  6. Habla Espanol.  How about you speak little Spanish in a Spanish speaking country?  Please is por favor. Thank you is gracias.  Beer is cerveza.  Now say it out loud. Por favor, I’d like a cerveza.  Gracias for the cerveza. Muy Bien!




  7. Mexican cuisine.  Let's talk a second about that statement where someone demands normal food. Where are you?  Mexico.  Where are you not?  The United States.  So, "normal food" is relative.  Most likely in Mexico it will be Mexican food.  Try the mole, elotes, and pork tacos.  And this isn’t south of the border Taco Bell either.  Gringos may expect flour tortillas, but it’s corn for you, hombre.

Tell us your stories of being or noticing people that have been "that guy" or "that girl" in Mexico...